


Something Different

by jng



Category: Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Can be seen as AU, Drabble, Implied/Referenced Anxiety, M/M, Mental Breakdown, One Shot, Panic Attacks, Past Relationship(s), Self Loathing, Social Media, akechi's self destructive behavior, akechi's self loathing, its subtle but its there, mild self destructive behavior, well kinda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-29
Updated: 2018-12-29
Packaged: 2019-09-29 15:30:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17205998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jng/pseuds/jng
Summary: based on this prompt: “i know we were never officially together or anything but seeing that picture you posted on [insert social media] with him/her literally felt like you carved my heart out of my chest and stomped on it and i’m not really sure why i’m leaving this voicemail but my pillow still smells like you and i miss your stupid face” AUAkechi knew just unfollowing Akira would be the easiest solution. It would save him the pain of seeing Kurusu with another man, seeing him love another, witnessing them slowly but surely fall more in love with each other… Just the simple press of a button would remove the constant knife prodding at Akechi’s heart; a constant reminder of Akechi’s failures. Just one more thing Akechi could never have, another notch in his belt of failure. Something inside, however, just wouldn’t allow it.(In which Akechi and Akira are broken up but not really because they weren't official, Akira and Yusuke are that grossly affectionate couple on Instagram and Akechi is self destructive)tw: self loathing, self destructive behavior, referenced/implied anxiety





	Something Different

They were never officially together.

 

The cold hard truth of it all was that Akira Kurusu had never officially been the boyfriend of Goro Akechi. In retrospect, when Ann had warned him someone else would eventually swoop in if Akechi didn’t act soon, he should have taken her warning more seriously. She had been completely right. Just thinking those words left a bitter taste in his mouth.

 

As of lately, Akira’s entire Instagram profile was filled with pictures of himself and Yusuke Kitagawa. His _new_ boyfriend, Akechi thought bitterly. Pictures from various outings and dates, from all that time they spent together. Akechi’s stomach churned every time he saw that sickly half smile Kitagawa had a tendency to make around Akira. It was only ever around Akira when he would pull that face.

 

Akechi debated unfollowing Akira. At least then, he wouldn’t have to deal with cheesy captions such as “the light of my life” and “proud to be his muse.” Or, God forbid, another post with the caption “I love you <3”

 

Akechi knew just unfollowing Akira would be the easiest solution. It would save him the pain of seeing Kurusu with another man, seeing him love another, witnessing them slowly but surely fall more in love with each other… Just the simple press of a button would remove the constant knife prodding at Akechi’s heart; a constant reminder of Akechi’s failures. Just one more thing Akechi could never have, another notch in his belt of failure. Something inside, however, just wouldn’t allow it.

 

He and Akira had never officially broken it off. Hell, there was nothing _to_ officially break off. For all Akechi knew, in Akira’s eyes he was just a good fuck. Someone to go to that could help blow off steam. Hidden kisses stolen from underneath dim streetlights, butterflies within the pit of Akechi’s stomach that he could just never ignore no matter how hard he tried…

 

Perhaps none of it had ever meant anything to Akira. Just another fling, maybe. At the end of the day, Akira was just another womanizer. Men and women alike all lined up behind him, just praying for a taste. Akechi had been one of the lucky ones, able to sneak that taste. In retrospect, he wish he hadn’t. Maybe then all of _this_ would have been easier to take in. Now that he knew what he was missing, words couldn’t describe just how bad he yearned for it. No amount of reaching would ever allow him within desire’s grasp. He would rather have been a pining imbecile instead of just another heartbroken soul. That’s all Akechi really was, anyway. Just another heartbroken soul. Another to fall victim to the sick game known as love.

 

He was unable to pinpoint an exact moment he found himself falling for Kurusu. Maybe it was the day they met, in the hallway of that TV station. He had only been trying to make pleasant small talk. Or maybe it was that first meeting at Cafe Leblanc. Akira had been the one to serve Akechi his coffee. Through it all, the conversation just kept flowing. When Akechi inevitably had to flee from the cafe, he had left with a witty “see you soon” from Akira, a flutter in his heart and a spring in his step. Akechi’s cheeks physically hurt from how much he had been smiling.

 

Somewhere inside, Akechi looked forward to the day Akira inevitably crushed Kitagawa’s heart just as he had Akechi’s. Or, better yet, maybe Yusuke would beat him to the punch. Realizing how much Akechi secretly desired thus just made him hurt even more. That black, swirling abyss of anger and betrayal… all consumed by guilt and despair. Wasn’t that just a terrible metaphor for Goro’s entire life.

 

Akechi clutched his phone to his chest and rolled over on his bed. His heart wept for Akira’s touch, longed for that piercingly fond gaze, cried out in pain and anguish. If Goro closed his eyes, he could still somewhat feel Akira’s body heat on the bed right next to him. The pillow still smelled like him. Smelled of coffee and hazelnut. Somewhere down the line he had begun smelling a little more like Goro’s cologne; smelling like Goro. That scent had likely been replaced with something else. Paint, probably. Yusuke’s scent.

 

_Just another notch in his belt,_ Akechi thought bitterly. _Just another notch in that stupid belt of his._

 

Without thinking, Akechi picked up his phone and angrily punched in someone’s phone number. He could never forget that number, even if he tried.

 

His head throbbed. Stress, anxiety, frustration… Goro was vastly familiar with headaches and migraines. Akira had been the one to take some of that pain away. Now that he was gone, his headaches were worse than ever.

 

No one picked up. Akira’s answering machine echoed through the receiver.

 

_“You’ve reached Akira Kurusu’s cell. Sorry I’m not around to take your call. Leave a message and maybe I’ll get back to you.”_

 

Tears of venom pricked at the corners of Akechi’s eyes, threatening to spill down. He swallowed audibly before finally speaking.

 

“Kurusu. It’s Goro. I… I know we were never officially together but…. Dammit, I don’t even know why I’m calling. It seems lately every time I open Instagram all I see is pictures of you and your new boyfriend.” Akechi’s voice shook aggressively, even in his own ears. His words hung heavily with unsung emotions. “It really hurts. More than you could ever know. Then again, we were never an item, so it shouldn’t really matter to me. What you do is none of my concern. If you would rather him over me, then I understand. If I were you I would have done the same thing. Who would ever want to be with a piece of shit like me. Still, seeing those photos it feels like someone took an unsharpened kitchen knife to my chest and tore out my heart, only to step all over it in stiletto heels. When you’re done walking all over my heart, please throw it away. I don’t… want to feel any of these emotions anymore.” Akechi wiped at his eyes and, oh, he was crying now. When had that happened. Thoughts that he had kept locked inside for God only knew how long came pouring out, like someone had opened a long shut valve. “I’ve never been able to fall asleep easily. You know that. Ever since you and I started seeing each other, I couldn’t help but notice that sleep came much easier when I was with you. It was as if you made all the bad things go away, for just a short amount of time. It’s not like that anymore. The left side of the bed-- your side, when we were together-- still smells like you. I miss rolling over to see you fast asleep every morning. I miss how peaceful your face was and how you would reach over and hug me like I was your own personal teddy bear and I don’t know why I’m leaving this voicemail but I miss you and your stupid face and,” He sobbed. “And… nothing, I guess. I apologize for this. Goodnight, Kurusu. I hope you and Kitagawa are happy together.”

 

He hung up and tossed his phone towards the end of his bed. A million thoughts ran through his head all at once. Sleep, it seemed, would not come easily.

 

Come morning, the call had not been returned. Akechi wasn’t even sure Akira had heard his voicemail. Not like it mattered, anyway. That voicemail was nothing but regret, just as Akira had been. Just another thing to regret.

 

The call was never returned. Akechi had expected nothing less, but it still hurt to think about.

 

Akira and Yusuke were a definite. Akechi was just another lovesick fool left behind in the sick and twisted game known as life. Hopefully Cupid, or whatever entity had done this to him, was at the very least amused. Akechi sure wasn’t. Maybe his pain would cause great joy to someone else. Why did others have to be happy when he clearly was not. That’s just how the game was played, after all.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry if this sucks, I've never been great when it comes to angst and wanted a little more practice with writing angst and writing from Akechi's point of view.
> 
> Title comes from the song "Something Different" by Modern Maps. That song has nothing to do with this but I couldn't think of a name and I just so happened to be listening to that song. Shout out to Jazzy for helping me pick the prompt, I found a whole list of them and couldn't decide which to write.
> 
> social media:  
> tumblr: jnoah818.tumblr.com  
> twitter: @jnoah818


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